We attended the lake association meeting the other night.

As we drove to the meeting, we mused about what it would be like. We were certain that we would be the youngest people there. We were right. Of the two dozen or so people who attended the meeting, almost all were senior citizens. I should note that I love senior citizens.

The keynote speaker (yes) spoke about the beauty of the lake, about the need to protect it from harm, and about lakes as spiritual places. I agreed with everything he said, although it was a bit too Universalist Churchy for me. It would have been even better if he’d said it in five minutes instead of an hour. I was seated near him, and I could see the sheaf of notes he was reading from. I became alarmed about half an hour in when I realised that the stack of notes was several inches thick.

The talk ended, and the group got down to business. That was when we learned that things are much worse than they ever were before.

First, we heard that the lake was low. I agree: it is indeed low. But what we learned at the meeting was that it has NEVER been so low. One person who has been coming to the lake every year since 1945 has to WALK ON ROCKS to get into the water. She has no idea how to deal with this. Someone told her to get a walking stick, but what is she supposed to do with the stick once she gets into the water? SOMEONE IS MESSING WITH THE WATER.

A patient man explained what’s going on with the water. It did not matter.

It would be nice to get back to business, but –

And also, there is NO PUBLIC WATER SOURCE NOWADAYS. SOMEONE SHUT IT OFF. THIS IS TERRIBLE FOR PEOPLE IN CAMPS. It is also not so great for the regular folks who live around here, don’t have camps, and just want to get water while they’re at the public beach, but never mind. IT COSTS MONEY TO GET A GOOD FILTER FOR YOUR CAMP.

Then we heard about the evils of washing your hair in the lake. SOMEONE IS DOING THAT. And what’s even worse is that SOME PEOPLE WASH THEIR DOGS IN THE LAKE. This is terrible. There should be a sign: DON’T WASH IN THE LAKE.

I agree that shampoo is not good for the lake. It’s bad for plants and animals. Heck, the entire discussion seemed to be poisonous. The mood in the room darkened. This group was not going to accept such selfish behaviour. When they were kids, everyone knew that shampoo was bad for the lake!

Then, the man who spoke loudest about the terrible people who wash dogs in the lake revealed something even worse. SOMEONE HAS BEEN FEEDING THE DUCKS.

At this point, I was glad there were no pitchforks nearby, because it could easily have turned into a mob. The ducks are coming right up to people. And they defecate on his dock. And to clean it, he has to scrub it down with bleach. AND YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT GOOD FOR THE LAKE. The person who feeds the ducks is to blame for the bleach going into the lake.

It’s good that you mention that, because on the agenda —

There are invasive plants that are choking lakes. This really is a terrible thing. Some of them have been seen nearby. I DON’T LIKE USING CHEMICALS AROUND THE LAKE, BUT I SAW AN UNFAMILIAR PLANT AND I DUMPED A TON OF POISON ON IT. SOMEONE REALLY HAS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

I see that our time is almost up –

We stayed quiet. But when we got into the car, we laughed until our stomachs hurt.