Everyone in my family likes Christmas a lot
But you know, I’m a grinch, and I surely do NOT
It’s true! I hate Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
And go ahead – ask why! ‘Cause I’ll tell you the reason.
It’s not about the snow and its blankets of white
It’s not even that all the songs are so trite
So I’ll tell you the truth, and don’t be too appalled
I just hate the pressures I get in the mall.
You see, whatever your budget, I’ll give you some news
It won’t be enough to buy what my friends choose
And it’s not just my friends! It’s my family, this year!
And next week is Christmas! It’s practically here!
I grab the Sears catalog, start nervously thumbing -
I MUST find a way to stop Christmas from coming!
But I’ve got an idea – an awful idea!
And I’ve got a wonderful, awful idea!
I’ll call all the family, put it down to a vote
Let’s buy our OWN presents, even Nan, the old goat!
I like this idea, now I’m one smart chick
I could do it online with just one mouse click.
I just need to convince them – no matter the frown
Don’t buy gifts for me, go the other way round!
Does that interest the family? NO! They’ve simply said
“If you can’t find a gift, give us money instead!”
Shall I name some of the gifts I’ve received since I wed?
The giant knick-knack, for one, that’ll make you stop dead!
If my son gets more presents, or even more slacks
Something else has to go – there’s no room on the racks!
I can’t buy more gifts for uncles and aunts
Like books they don’t read, or yet some more plants
It’s time to stop draining our bank accounts down
To zero, just ’cause there are Santas around!
I’d like to see Christmas as old-fashioned cheer
Instead of a gift-buying frenzy this year
I don’t need more stockings, or hairpins, or pets
I just want to have Christmas without any debts.
Brilliant! You had me chuckling and spluttering my coffee yet again.
Poor Nan though. I think she’ll hurl a few presents at you if you call her an old goat.
Very Nice. To the point, but not as full of frustration/anger as last years poem. Good job!
This year, with the exception of my kids (who are getting sports equipment and underware) and my husband (who is likely getting a carpet cleaner:)), everyone is getting “zero dollar” gifts. Hope you enjoyed yours!
Grumpy Santas have a long, distinguished pedigree in your family, Megan.
Of course, your Grandfather was well-known as a Grumpy Santa. Under his influence, his four children eventually adopted a custom of hand-making all Christmas gifts, which limited us to one gift for every member. Grammy Hazel broke the rules, but after all, she was Grammy Hazel!
Your growing-up Christmasses, being outside the influence of television, were never grumpy, because you kids did not expect, nor receive, big piles of presents. Christmasses in Dexter were sweet – - absolutely sweet. After your father entered the clergy, Christmas took on a completely different character. Clergy families pray to survive Christmas, which (thank God) we did, just barely.
All considered, I am not surprised to find this poem on your website!
Dad
Excellent! What a cute poem. YOu have the talent my dear. And you’re right. A good party makes a great Christmas. Living in Ghana I get to avoid that whole ugly commercial side of the holiday… until we decide to spend it in Canada. But not this year!!!
Good luck Megan!